Reading John Dobbs blog and the raw emotions expressed there reminded me of a conversation I had with Janelle soon after we learned of the loss of John Robert. I was looking for the right thing to say when I realized there isn't really anything anyone can say to make the pain go away. If there was, someone would have thought of it a long long time ago and everyone would have used it until it became cliche and was no longer of any comfort.
Second, the pain lets us know how deeply we truly loved. The pain is worth having experienced that love. Its hard to see it at the time....but time does begin to bring relief and somewhere the memories of the happy times out number the tears.
Third, some words bring no comfort at all. Cliches like "God must of needed another angel" come to mind. God is big enough and powerful enough to create angels enough. God did not reach down his hand and cause pain just because he needed another good person around him...he is not that petty.
Reading John's blogs reminded me that it is okay to be angry with God. I wish someone would have told me that when my father died. Instead at times I had the mixed emotions of the pain of the loss of my father and the guilt of being angry with God. Be angry and sin not.... don't let the anger turn to hatred but it is okay to cry, scream, shout or wail.
Also, sometimes there are no answers to the "whys". Why did God not protect? Why did God not answer all of our prayers? Why were they there? Why did I not take more time to ___?
Finally, if you are afraid to go because you don't know what to say...go anyways. Be a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen and a friend to turn to in the loneliness. If you don't know what to say try "I love you and I am sorry for your loss". You can also sit there quietly, people will let you know when they are ready to talk.
I am definitely not an expert, counselor or anything like that.... these our just some of my observations. Go out and let someone know you love them.
In Him,
David
Friday, May 30, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Memorial Day Weekend
This past weekend we went to my mother's house for the Memorial Day holiday. On Saturday we all loaded up and went to Dollywood. This weekend was a reminder of how quickly they grow up; watching Christopher ride the rides this time and seeing how much fun he had there at age 3 compared to when we were there last summer. It also a huge reminder of how young they still are when the same "big boy" cried over his chicken bites being too hot.
After time with The Family on Sunday, we went back to Dollywood on Monday. This time Christopher and Jacob each got to drive the cars in the 50's section. Christopher and I rode the River Rampage and the River Battle rides together and we both go soaked while having a great time. He wanted to ride the River Battle again but it was getting late in the day and we had other family to meet in Metcalf Bottoms. Once again we played in the water and we worked on building a dam with his cousins. It was a great time.
Jacob lived up to his nickname....Jacob the destroyer by breaking a couple of things at grandmother's house before we were even there a few hours. The second item was destroyed when both his mother and I thought he was asleep.
It was a great family vacation although I did not get enough "together time" with Janelle as I got sick on Saturday afternoon and she came home feeling run down. Even with the illness and destruction, we created some great memories for the boys and as we were reminded...life is precious and use wisely the time that you do have together.
In Him,
David
After time with The Family on Sunday, we went back to Dollywood on Monday. This time Christopher and Jacob each got to drive the cars in the 50's section. Christopher and I rode the River Rampage and the River Battle rides together and we both go soaked while having a great time. He wanted to ride the River Battle again but it was getting late in the day and we had other family to meet in Metcalf Bottoms. Once again we played in the water and we worked on building a dam with his cousins. It was a great time.
Jacob lived up to his nickname....Jacob the destroyer by breaking a couple of things at grandmother's house before we were even there a few hours. The second item was destroyed when both his mother and I thought he was asleep.
It was a great family vacation although I did not get enough "together time" with Janelle as I got sick on Saturday afternoon and she came home feeling run down. Even with the illness and destruction, we created some great memories for the boys and as we were reminded...life is precious and use wisely the time that you do have together.
In Him,
David
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Loss For Words
It's the kind of news that grips you in the gut and makes you want to throw up. It is the news that makes you shed countless tears and wish you had the wisdom and grace to be able to comfort friends who are hurting. It is the kind of news that no parent ever wants to hear. On early Wednesday morning our dear friends John and Maggy Dobbs found out that their son had died in a tragic accident. John Robert was 18 years old and scheduled to graduate from high school at the end of this week. In stead of planning his graduation party his parents are now preparing for a funeral. What do you say to a family when they are going through this?
I remember when one of my father's cousins died. I remember the words his mother spoke to me, Bess said "David, no parent should ever have to bury a child." Her words echo in my mind even as I sit here typing. No parent should ever have to bury a child and yet it happens every day in the world. And even though it does happen every day, I am still at a loss for words and maybe that is the way it should be. Maybe we should just grieve, hold each other, love each other and use the time to heal.
In Him,
David
John's blog is located at http://johndobbs.wordpress.com/
The local news account of the accident is located here www.sunherald.com/278/story/578234.html
I remember when one of my father's cousins died. I remember the words his mother spoke to me, Bess said "David, no parent should ever have to bury a child." Her words echo in my mind even as I sit here typing. No parent should ever have to bury a child and yet it happens every day in the world. And even though it does happen every day, I am still at a loss for words and maybe that is the way it should be. Maybe we should just grieve, hold each other, love each other and use the time to heal.
In Him,
David
John's blog is located at http://johndobbs.wordpress.com/
The local news account of the accident is located here www.sunherald.com/278/story/578234.html
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
What to say
I had a profound thought yesterday morning at breakfast and thought "I need to blog about that". Unfortunately I did not do it and now, a day later, the thought completely escapes me.
The garden is doing fairly well. We have blooms on the tomato plants, the squash plants are growing and the green beans have really taken off. It is fun having Christopher help in the garden, listening to him talk about it and seeing things grow through his eyes. At 3 he is really a sponge now, absorbing all kinds of information, what an amazing time.
Jacob is running up and down the halls, singing and laughing. The greeting he gives me every time I come home is amazing.
This weekend we head for the Smokies. Can't wait to be back in the mountains, they have a way of reviving the soul. We will spend time with family and friends so every trip back home is special.
Enjoy the week,
David
The garden is doing fairly well. We have blooms on the tomato plants, the squash plants are growing and the green beans have really taken off. It is fun having Christopher help in the garden, listening to him talk about it and seeing things grow through his eyes. At 3 he is really a sponge now, absorbing all kinds of information, what an amazing time.
Jacob is running up and down the halls, singing and laughing. The greeting he gives me every time I come home is amazing.
This weekend we head for the Smokies. Can't wait to be back in the mountains, they have a way of reviving the soul. We will spend time with family and friends so every trip back home is special.
Enjoy the week,
David
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Weekend Update - I'm Chevy Chase?
We had a busy weekend. Friends from Chattanooga came up Saturday and we grilled out, got c up to date with each other's lives since their move and played Settlers of Cataan. The boys got to play with their daughter and all had a good time.....well, until the kids got overtired but they still had fun.
Sunday seemed like football weather, rain, wind, cold. I called Mark Bell and asked him how we missed out camping in weather like this. We now have a running joke that anytime our two families plan on camping together, no matter how good the forecast is looking, the weather turns south in a hurry. So instead of camping the boys took mommy out for lunch for mother's day. Janelle got to talk to her parents in China and I spoke to my mother in east Tennessee.
Monday was adventure day. With the big earthquake in China we were on the phone trying to get through to family and friends over there to make sure everyone was okay. We are close to 3 couples over there including Janelle's parents. Her parents and the Cooks are both in the same city which is about 500 miles from the epicenter. They all came through okay. Will and Brittany are in another city and apparently had a nap interrupted but are none the worse for that.
Last night was the Macho Monday. 12 guys got together for dinner at Vittles, talked about manly things while the TV was on ESPN. We had a good time and it was fun catching up with everyone. With all of us married, most with kids, its hard to find time to just hang out and talk. We are going to try it again next month on a Turbo Tuesday and another Meat and 3.... no salad and muffin places for us! Have a great week.
David
Sunday seemed like football weather, rain, wind, cold. I called Mark Bell and asked him how we missed out camping in weather like this. We now have a running joke that anytime our two families plan on camping together, no matter how good the forecast is looking, the weather turns south in a hurry. So instead of camping the boys took mommy out for lunch for mother's day. Janelle got to talk to her parents in China and I spoke to my mother in east Tennessee.
Monday was adventure day. With the big earthquake in China we were on the phone trying to get through to family and friends over there to make sure everyone was okay. We are close to 3 couples over there including Janelle's parents. Her parents and the Cooks are both in the same city which is about 500 miles from the epicenter. They all came through okay. Will and Brittany are in another city and apparently had a nap interrupted but are none the worse for that.
Last night was the Macho Monday. 12 guys got together for dinner at Vittles, talked about manly things while the TV was on ESPN. We had a good time and it was fun catching up with everyone. With all of us married, most with kids, its hard to find time to just hang out and talk. We are going to try it again next month on a Turbo Tuesday and another Meat and 3.... no salad and muffin places for us! Have a great week.
David
Friday, May 9, 2008
Geocaching
I enjoy getting out from time to time to geocache. I have seen parts of Nashville and other cities that I would not have known about if it were not for this game. If you don't know about geocaching, it is a high-tech treasure hunt using a gps unit. Go to geocaching.com to learn more or to sign up for free.
To participate in geocaching you need a gps unit (your guide), coordinates of the cache that you will be seeking and it helps to know where you are. The gps unit will lead you to the coordinates and then it is up to you to find the hidden treasure. Easy enough, as long as those satellites are in the sky that allow gps units to know where they are. If they aren't there, then there is no game.
Our spiritual walk is similar to geocaching. We have the Spirit to guide us and the word to give us the "coordinates" for the treasure that we seek. We can constantly know where we are if we bother to check our guides.... but if there is no power in heaven, then there is no need to participate. It is the unseen power of the Father that allows us to continue and it is his love and mercy that gives us hope. Good luck on your treasure hunt.
In Him,
David
To participate in geocaching you need a gps unit (your guide), coordinates of the cache that you will be seeking and it helps to know where you are. The gps unit will lead you to the coordinates and then it is up to you to find the hidden treasure. Easy enough, as long as those satellites are in the sky that allow gps units to know where they are. If they aren't there, then there is no game.
Our spiritual walk is similar to geocaching. We have the Spirit to guide us and the word to give us the "coordinates" for the treasure that we seek. We can constantly know where we are if we bother to check our guides.... but if there is no power in heaven, then there is no need to participate. It is the unseen power of the Father that allows us to continue and it is his love and mercy that gives us hope. Good luck on your treasure hunt.
In Him,
David
Monday, May 5, 2008
Thoughts on the Men's Retreat
This weekend I attended a men's retreat with several others from our congregation. Clarence Daily, who has spent 68 years in ministry was the main speaker. While listening to Brother Clarence I was reminded about the story of the Apostle John in his latter years. When John spoke it is said his message would be a simple "My little children, love each other". While Clarence spoke I kept thinking of John and that same message. How blessed we were to hear it emphasized again from someone we all love and respect.
With the theme "Who's gonna fill their shoes?" my mind first goes to my own life. Having lost my father while I was a young man, I hope I have done all right at trying to fill his shoes. I hope that people who knew him will see him in my life and that is my hope for my boys. I hope that I am the proper example that I can train them to fill my shoes, not so that I can be praised as a great father but that they can reflect the glory of the Father.
The other thought that I had was when Jesus was told to keep his disciples quiet his reply that even if they were silent then the rocks and hills would cry out (please excuse me for taking it out of context). If we don't train our children to fill our shoes, to do what they should, then God will raise up children that will. If we don't step up and fill the shoes of the giants of faith that went before us, God will raise up leaders that will.
I am confident that the church will go on.... I need to make sure that I am part of that by doing my part.
In Him,
David
With the theme "Who's gonna fill their shoes?" my mind first goes to my own life. Having lost my father while I was a young man, I hope I have done all right at trying to fill his shoes. I hope that people who knew him will see him in my life and that is my hope for my boys. I hope that I am the proper example that I can train them to fill my shoes, not so that I can be praised as a great father but that they can reflect the glory of the Father.
The other thought that I had was when Jesus was told to keep his disciples quiet his reply that even if they were silent then the rocks and hills would cry out (please excuse me for taking it out of context). If we don't train our children to fill our shoes, to do what they should, then God will raise up children that will. If we don't step up and fill the shoes of the giants of faith that went before us, God will raise up leaders that will.
I am confident that the church will go on.... I need to make sure that I am part of that by doing my part.
In Him,
David
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